Want and Need
by pasty face
Summary: Peter didn't get Alice in the end but was that the only way for him to have what he needed?


"How about this one?" Alice asked looking at a cake in the little pastry shop with Boris. "No I like this one better," the cat said pointing to another with an ocean scene depicted on it showing the fish smiling. "Of coarse," Alice snickered. Peter was walking along when he saw Alice with the cat going on a date.

It panged him always to see her, when Peter was the one who brought her to Wonderland in the first place to make her happy. He couldn't help but keep stalking her as she chatted and laughed with the Cheshire cat. He then went back to the Heart castle to shoot some more faceless worker's to infuriate her majesty before going back to his room and mope some more. "Why did she pick him, him of all people?" He wondered aloud.

"That filthy cat!" Peter lay on his bed enraged. He was so much more smarter and cleaner and Peter dressed better or so he thought. He was happy that Alice decided to stay in Wonderland but he hoped that she'd choose him. He looked back at all the time they had together, how he would follow her, how he would hug her as she yelled at him to stop and attempt to push him away.

_She was supposed to love me,_ the white rabbit thought bitterly. After she chose that filthy stray, Peter went on a rampage and most of the faceless had to be replaced when he left himself open for her and how she shoved him away, it felt as though his clock was ripped from his body. Peter had to face facts that he wasn't what Alice wanted and it hurt him. When he became a role holder he usually got all that he had wanted, everyone else was afraid to refuse him but not Alice. He then thought back when he asked her what he should do to make her love him.

"Well if you were a bit more modest and cute, maybe I would think about it," she said. Peter at that moment turned into a rabbit right before her very eyes and she hugged him. He thought he had a chance with her after that. He had to face the fact that he wasn't enough. What was wrong with him that she couldn't love him?

He wondered. He did kill people in front of her even when she expressed how she hated it, he had stalked her and shot at all of her friends but that was normal, right? Peter sighed and went to answer the door. "What is it?" He asked borededly of the faceless maid who stood there looking at him in terror. "Um Lord Whit, her majesty requires your presence," the maid informed him. Peter sighed then pulled out his gun and shot her dead before he went to go see Vivaldi, it's not like he had anything better to do.

_Twenty years later..._

"But mom I want to stay home with you," the little cat eared boy whined as his mother walked him to school. "It's okay Leo," Alice soothed her youngest son. "Your brother and sister went to school and they had fun."

"But don't wanna," the six year-old whined. "Boo!" Someone yelled making Alice scream, jump and whirl around to face the eldest of her cat eared children who was seventeen. "Hey mom," he snickered. "Daniel don't do that, you could have given me a heart attack," Alice snapped.

"Aw but what's the fun in that?" He whined. "Never mind," Alice sighed then she had gotten an idea. "Daniel tell Leo that it will be fun going to school," Alice said pleasantly but with a gleam in her eye that said 'do as I tell you or I'll skin you alive.' Daniel frowned at his mother before flashing a mischievous smile at his brother.

"Oh it was terrible Leo," Daniel started with a scared expression. "Daniel don't-"

"First the teacher beats you to death with a ruler as a greeting, then the other kids beat you up during lunch and hang you upside down in a tree all night long then you get sent home with mountains of homework."

"Dammit Daniel!" Alice screamed. "Hey you're not supposed to cuss mom," Daniel snickered. Alice then whacked him over the head with a notebook making the teen laugh even harder. Leo looked at his brother in wide eyed horror.

"No! Mom I don't wanna go!" He sobbed. Peter was hiding behind a building watching Alice trying to comfort her youngest son and discipline the other. Both of the children looked like their father except the youngest had chocolate brown hair and ears while the other one died his hair and ears purple like his father.

Peter still couldn't understand what she saw in that filthy cat, even his children were repulsive. The white rabbit watched as Alice dragged the two boys to the childrens school red in the face with anger at her oldest who was still laughing at his brother's expense. The thought panged Peter that he wasn't good enough as he walked back to Heart castle sulking.

_Twenty years later..._

"Mom, it hurt's!" The girl with cat ears screamed with tears streaming down her eyes. "I know Anna, I know," Alice soothed pained by the sight of her daughter hurting so much. She was fifty seven years old and in the delivery room as her daughter was giving birth to her first born child while the men of the family waited outside. "Push!"

The doctor told her again. Anna pushed as hard as she could but still nothing. "Okay take a break," the doctor said casually. "Take a break?" Anna screamed. "The kid's not even out yet!"

"It was a joke," he chuckled. "I'm going to kill you!" Anna said lunging for the doctor. "Anna stop!" Alice said pulling her back. "It fucking hurt's though and he's an asshole for making jokes," Anna cried. There was a knock on the door. "Is everything okay in there?" Leo asked before walking in. "Uh!" The cat eared man yelled in disgust. "Uh I'm scarred for life!"

"Get out of here you asshole!" Anna screamed. Leo quickly left the room and they could hear him saying "I just saw hell!"

"Your children are lovely," the doctor said sarcastically to Alice. "Shut up and give me some drugs!" Anna yelled at the doctor. Peter was outside the hospital spying on Alice's family since he could see Alice. Her children now had children themselves. Her oldest had two boy's one ten the other seven. Leo was sitting in a chair leaning back with a hat on his face as if he were asleep while the rest of the family was laughing at something.

Really now what was so funny? Alice had been in that room for an entire twenty four hours with her daughter without any sleep and they were enjoying themselves, how selfish. Peter glared at them all in malicious disgust, especially Boris Airay. Peter would give all that he had for what that cat had. He hated him. Peter had changed a great deal for Alice since he met her and here is this cat, who was as lazy as can be, what has he done for her? Peter wondered before heading back to the castle as always, having to remember that he lacked all that he wanted.

_Thirty year's later..._

Alice was in a hospital bed looking dazedly at the doctor as he told her family what was wrong with her. "Is she going to be okay?" Boris asked holding his beloveds hand. "We don't know, all we can tell you is that there is something wrong with her heart and we don't know how to fix it," the doctor informed him. "Right now we are thinking that we should operate on her heart but it's too risky, since we don't know the anatomy of it."

"Is she going to die?" Daniel asked. The doctor hesitated then he said "we don't know." A few hours later the nurse told Alice's family that they needed to leave for her to get some rest. Boris kissed her hand and told her he'd be back tomorrow along with her children and grandchildren. "Okay," Alice said sleepily. After they left all was silent, then Alice heard a nurse telling someone to leave. "I'm sorry sir but Alice isn't feeling well-" There was two gunshot's and all was dead silent.

Alice wasn't in the least bit surprised by the sound for it could only be one person. Peter White then walked into the room hunched a little bit and wrinkly buy he still had that beautiful face that she liked. "Hello Peter," Alice said calmly with a scratchy voice. She knew he had been spying on her for this long, he was always there watching over her and her family. Peter sat on a stool next to her bed and held her hand.

"Are you okay Alice?" He asked with tears in his eyes. "I'm fine," she told him. "The doctor's said I have heart problems and they don't know what to do." Peter was shocked by this information. He couldn't imagine her dying, to him she still looked exactly like how he met her all those years ago when he kidnapped her. "Peter I don't think I'll live too much longer," she said suddenly.

"I've had a wonderful life, I couldn't have asked for better, I wanted to say thank you." Peter looked at her in wide eyed shock at her words. "I know you cared about me and I'm sorry I couldn't return your feelings," she said pityingly. Peter's clock ached familiarly. Normally he would have hugged her for thanking him and apologizing to him but there was one question in the back of his mind that prevented him from doing so. "Alice why did you not love me?" He asked.

"I did everything for you, I changed for you, why?" Alice smiled sadly at him and said "I was naive about the world and it wasn't about this one, it was also my world," she explained. "It was unfathomable to me that someone could get used to throwing a life away like it was a pair of scuffed shoes and you were used to it Peter, all I could see was this arrogant rabbit who wouldn't leave me alone or stop squeezing me till I passed out." Peter was taken aback by her words.

"How was I arrogant?" He asked. Alice snorted and said "how were you not?" Peter then looked back at all the times in he was with Alice, how he would shoot at the faceless workers just to blow off some steam, how he would shoot at Alice's friends even though she told him to stop more than once and how he presumed from the beginning that she loved him. "Do you remember when you asked me what you should do in order for me to love you?" She asked suddenly. "Of course, I could never could forget," Peter told her with a small smile. "Can you still change into a rabbit?" She asked. In a blinding flash of light there was Peter in his rabbit form on the floor. He jumped into her lap and said "like this Alice?"

Alice smiled at him and bent to hug him. "You know, I said I'd think about loving you if you were more modest and cute, I was expecting you to turn into a rabbit right before my very eyes," she chuckled. "What were you expecting anyway Alice?" He asked curiously. "I was hoping you would practice modesty," she replied with a sad smile. Peter's face fell at her words and his ears drooped. Alice then hugged him tight. "I'm sorry Peter, I had no right to ask that of you," she said before laying back down in the bed. Peter then hopped out of the bed and changed back into his human form and held her hand again.

"I'm sorry Peter and thank you," she said before her hand went limp in his. "Alice," Peter said uncertainly seeing that her eyes closed. "Alice!" He said panicking, rubbing her forehead with his hand.

_A week later..._

People were gathering into the church on a rainy day. In the front row sat Alice's family, some drying their eyes while others comforted them and telling them how sorry they were for their loss as they looked at the casket that held their aged mother. Peter sat behind them reviewing her last words to him, remembering how he didn't do one thing for her, he didn't listen to her when she told him to back off or listen when she told him to stop shooting at the people she was around and he acted as though he was her lover even though she denied him more than once. The thought panged him that maybe he was more flawed than he cared to admit.

He thought of his imperfections about how arrogant he was, how he thought himself better and smarter than anyone else and that was the reason he hated other people besides Alice. It was a harsh reality that he wished he faced it sooner. He was such a fool and he wouldn't have learned that if it weren't for Alice rejecting him. He may not have wanted it but he needed it more, some times people need to go place's they don't want to go to find what they need.


End file.
